Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
