sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
