i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
