I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
