I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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