my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
