what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
