i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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