Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your dad touched me again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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