my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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