Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
