help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
