Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A bitchslap is in order.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
