I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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