he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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