If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
