ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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