he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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