Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
