she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it glows. i had to have it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
