The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
