Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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