so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
