i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
