i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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