dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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