I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
