we have pet lesbian snakes
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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