once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
