K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
