You're so nebulous sometimes
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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