I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
