I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
