So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
