i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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