Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
