My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
