how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the day after is always just damage control
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
