You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
