My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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