I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
