do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have fence marks all over my body
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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