I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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