So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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