I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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