I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
