One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
