i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
