so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
