Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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