I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
