You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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