glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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