she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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