worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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