textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
