sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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