how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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