Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
