if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
