gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
