He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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