My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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