All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
