In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
