They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
