i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
