Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Farmville is her only friend.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
