how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
