I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
