Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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