GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
