Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No stitches, just platelets and will power
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
