Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
