No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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