I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
