Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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