brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
