i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
