Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
