you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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