It's like God shit irony all over that family
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
